Love Is a Verb
Updated: Sep 23
The kind of love that lasts is not simply something we feel. It is something we choose to do.
We often think of love as a feeling. But being guided by our feelings too much can be a dangerous choice.
Think about a partner, family member, or friend you are close to. How many times in a single day can your feelings move from anger to joy, to sadness, to frustration, and back to love? Feelings are real, but they are not always steady. If love depends only on how we feel in a particular moment, it will disappear exactly when it is needed most.
The kind of love that lasts is a choice. It is the choice to cultivate and nourish a relationship. It takes patience, forgiveness, honesty, and sacrifice. In other words, the most vibrant kind of love is an action verb.
Most of us have people in our lives whom we call “loved ones.” But how do we love the ones we love?
Love Shows Up
People living with disabilities and serious mental illness often rely heavily on family, friends, and caregivers. The National Alliance on Mental Illness recognizes that family members and caregivers can play a major role in supporting people who experience mental health conditions.
The only reason I am still alive is because of my combat brothers, my mother and siblings, my kids, and my wife. Without them, I could become completely ungrounded from this world. They have loved me through moments when love was not easy, convenient, or rewarded.
That is what love does. Love shows up.
But support cannot travel in only one direction forever. When we struggle, it becomes easy to think only about our own pain. We may overlook the needs of the people standing beside us. Then, when they become tired or frustrated, we ask, “Don’t you love me?”
That question may be sincere, but it can also keep us from asking a harder one: How am I loving them?
Effort Matters
Sometimes all my wife needed from me was to get out of bed.
That action may sound small to someone who has never experienced severe depression. When depression is at its worst, however, getting out of bed can feel like lifting a mountain. The effort still matters. The action tells the other person, “I see what you are carrying. I am trying to meet you here.”
Love does not demand perfection. It asks for participation.
The people who support us also need rest, understanding, boundaries, and care. NAMI’s guidance on supporting recovery emphasizes partnership and helping a loved one build independence. Healthy support is not about one person carrying the entire weight. It is about walking together while recognizing that everyone in the relationship has needs.
This does not mean we should feel guilty for struggling. Mental illness is not a moral failure. Needing help is not weakness. But even in difficult seasons, we can look for the actions that remain available to us.
Maybe love means getting out of bed.
Maybe it means listening without planning a defense.
Maybe it means keeping an appointment, taking medication as prescribed, helping with dinner, saying thank you, or admitting that we were wrong.
Maybe it means asking the person who supports us, “What do you need today?”
Make Love Visible
During this month of love, I encourage readers to be as easy to love as possible—and to show that love in return.
Do not wait for a perfect feeling. Feelings change. Choose an action.
Call someone. Forgive where forgiveness is healthy. Respect a boundary. Offer help. Accept help. Make the effort that is available to you today, even if it seems small.
Love becomes real when another person can see it, hear it, and feel its weight in the choices we make.
So, how will you turn love into a verb today?
Further Reading
Help Us Put Love into Action
Robbie’s House creates a place where people living with mental illness can find community, purpose, and the support to keep moving forward. If this message matters to you, please help us continue that work by making a donation to Robbie’s House. Every gift helps us keep the doors open and the clubhouse community strong.
Photo by Kadarius Seegars via Unsplash. The people pictured are models; no mental-health condition is implied.
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